Lent, Butter, and the Business of Becoming Better

 Now, I was raised Catholic—like fish-on-Fridays, ashes-on-Wednesdays, and guilt-for-dessert kind of Catholic. But these days, I don’t claim religion so much as I claim reverence. Not for pews or pulpits necessarily, but for something more mysterious. Something you can’t quite explain, but you know it when it stirs in your bones.

Call it soul. Call it the voice inside. Call it the Holy Ghost or just good ol’ fashioned gut instinct. But I believe in it.

Because deep down, we do know right from wrong.
Even if the world’s gotten noisy with Happiness Hijackers trying to sell us peace like it's a product—marketed in soft pastels and subscription boxes.

But real happiness?
Well, it’s tricky.

Sure, I love sunshine on my skin, music in the kitchen, and folks who laugh easy and love hard. Give me color, warmth, and people who show up when things get messy—that makes me happy.

But deep happiness—the kind that stays even when the lights go out and the room gets quiet—that comes from purpose.
From doing the thing you were made to do, even if the only witness is your dog and the dishes.

Lent, at its heart, is a time to pause.
To reflect.
To repent, if that’s your rhythm.

Me? I’ve already got a highlight reel of regrets and a tendency to self-scold. So for these next 46 days, I’m trading in shame for shape-shifting—the good kind. The kind where you turn inward, clean house, and make room for more light.

And no, I won’t be taking the Sundays off. I know myself. One skipped day leads to one excuse leads to, “Well, maybe next year.” My willpower melts faster than butter in a cast iron skillet, so I need rhythm and resolve, not loopholes.

I’ve always loved a fresh start. A new year. A clean calendar page. A Monday morning with a sharpened pencil.

So that’s what this is.
Forty-six days to show up for my life with more heart, more intention, more discipline, and a whole lotta grace.

Because every faith, every practice, every good book or wise granny I’ve ever met, seems to circle the same truth:

Be the best version of yourself.

And that’s something we can all believe in.

Is My Life All For Nothing?

For me, when I write, the challenge is "what if this is all for nothing." 

What if the time I spend writing - the books I've written - are all for nothing. What if they are forgotten? 

When I first started to write, it was mostly for entertainment. I hoped to become a "best-selling author" one day. Mostly because all the time I put into writing would be worth something and so I didn't have to depend on a husband or boyfriend or work for a company that treated its employees like crap (though I feel like most companies now treat their employees like crap!). 

Writing is not easy. At least, not for me. Especially in today's culture, where you have to be short and to the point, and somehow be entertaining. 

My writing over the past few years has been less fiction and more writing with a purpose. To somehow restore our character, courage, and confidence. Because though we SEEM like a society that has made much progress, in reality, what I'm witnessing, is a huge decline. A decline in respect for not only each other, but in the way men treat women (and I realize I was part of the problem). A decline in the way people present themselves. I don't feel you have to get dressed up to go out to the store, but the people I see shopping at 2 pm in the afternoon are sloppy, slovenly, and almost seem to go out of there way to say, "Looks are not important; I don't care if you judge me!" But if you think about it, they are really saying, "I do care what you think of me, because I'm making an effort to send a message!"

I am mortified by the older men I know (in their 70's and 80's) that make not only very disparaging remarks about women, but one older married men, is routinely chatting up sex workers on his facebook and sending them money via Western Union! 

 I have filled binders and binders of research on our past culture. I've had fun reading old magazines (from the 30's, 50's etc). I have been able to trace back the slow decline and that has led to our state of confusion (good is bad, bad is good) and illusion. 

I believe I've truly found the answer to what brings contentment and happiness. But I'm so afraid that all this research (combined with experience!) and what I want to write will be lost. 

I stumbled on Rose Wilder Lane's writing. Brilliant! 

Rose Wilder Lane, Isabel Paterson, and Zora Neale Hurston were really the ushers of the Libertarian party. Yet, I'd never heard of them. 

Here are remarkable women from the 30's and 40's and who knows about them? Their messages were messages of "Moxie" and "Self Determination." 

They lived through extremely hard times, yet always had the fortitude and drive to overcome life's challenges. How come we know so little about these truly progressive women?  

So when I sit down to write, I often feel "What's the point?" What if my words get lost? What if I'm wasting my time when I could be doing something more productive like...reading the latest issue of People magazine? 

And I realize my fear of being forgotten, my fear of not making a difference, my fear of being laughed at by the "cool" kids, is the same fear everyone has. 

It's why people join Black Lives Matter. It's why cops become cops. It's why we search out like minded people. We want to belong and be accepted. And yet we also want to make a difference. And show we are somehow unique, individual.  We want our life to have some purpose. We want to be appreciated and loved. If not by a-lot of people, at least a few people. And this wanting to fit in yet wanting to be seen as individual is a fine, fine, line to walk. 

It is sort of like dieting. You know there is an end purpose (to be healthy) - but there is that big glaring fact of life looming in the back of your mind: Life ends. So what's the point of trying to be healthy? Why not just enjoy the pizza and beer and wine? 

And that, is what often stops us from making choices that, in the end, are not only good for us, but good for everyone. And I've found that choosing the difficult path, the path of NO, is actually the path that leads to the most happiness and fulfillment.

Sometimes, we think no one sees us. But you'd be surprised who is watching. And how one act of courage or kindness (whether it be risking your life to save another, or holding the door open for an elderly person) can stick in someones mind, and encourage them to do something courageous or kind. 

So, you might be hesitating to start a project or journey...you might be afraid to put yourself out on the limb and be judged. You might have the little voice inside your head telling you to not bother, because what if it's all for nothing? 

The trick is to get over yourself at the same time you need to believe in yourself. If you have a positive purpose behind your goal, nothing attempted is ever in vain. Your life is not in vain. There are many people I look to as examples on how to be a good person, how to get better, that have no idea that I aspire to be as smart, or kind, or purposeful, as they are. 

You were born with a talent. It might be being vocal, it might be as a photographer, it might be as an organizer; it might be as simple yet meaningful as being a loyal, loving, honorable friend. It is hard in today's culture when the signals seem to be, the more raunchy or self indulgent you are, the more respected you will be. It's difficult to 'do the right thing' when there is no seemingly punishment for doing the wrong thing; for hurting someone. Indeed, it seems that by doing the right thing, you will be punished or shamed. 

Your life is not all for nothing. The mistakes you make, will make you better. The mistakes you make will make someone else better or be a warning or caution or save someone else (hopefully!) from heartache. 

You might look like a fool - but guaranteed, you will get better. You will learn. And you will feel way more accomplished and better about yourself than you do after you've polished off a whole bag of Cheetos while watching a marathon of any Bravo tv show. 

 

Outwitting The Devil - A Book That Positively Changed My Life

Outwitting the Devil by Napoleon Hill is a bit of a strange book, however, it continues to be one of books that changed my life for the better.

It has been so valuable to me. I listened to the audio book version. I kept replaying certain passages, but it was really the information about “drifting” that made me realize how much time I’ve wasted. That having fun was…fun…but for what purpose? I realized the happiest times in my life were times I was making a positive difference in life; when I overcame challenges or met goals I set for myself.
You've heard the old saying: "When in doubt, read the instructions." Well - here it is: The Owner's Manual on how to live a meaningful and successful life.

This book, written in 1938, written by Napoleon Hill over 70 years ago, but "Outwitting the Devil" was not published until 41 years after his death. The concern was that his community and family would  reject him for printing the bold things that his conversation with “the devil” brought to light.
Some parts of the book are no longer relevant in the light of some of the advancements made in 70 years.  However, and this is one of the most important things I’ve realized: the laws of nature never change. Just as H2O will always be water. The causes of failure and unhappiness will never change.

Regardless of what you may think of the way it's written, you'll take something enormously valuable from it, something that could change your life.
I believe the devil in the book is really a metaphor for those who exploit and profit from  fear –, before you think this is a religious book, you'll be interested to know that the devil reveals the biggest, best way he has to take control of people is through religion. This book does not bash religion in anyway, it simply points out that some people use religion as a method to control. Just like some people use the government as methods to control.

The devil confides in Hill: “I break down independent thought and start people on the habit of drifting, by confusing their minds with unprovable ideas concerning a world of which they know nothing. It is here also that I plant in the minds of children the greatest of all fears --- the fear of hell!"
Now, you can think of other things, not just religion, that plays on our desire to “know” and on our fears of being left behind (status!) or “out of the loop” or isolated – and once you realize that all the “drifting” we do when reading Science News, or Behavioral Breakthroughs, or Justice Revolutions, is really just someone (or a group of people) profiting by appealing to our desire to learn, to be just a bit better than others. If we don’t have a solid, firm, understanding of life, it’s easy to drift, to become confused, and to lose focus on the basics of happiness.

This book is one of the most important I’ve read about personal development. Many of the ideas that Napoleon Hill conveys about how our society has allowed itself to be influenced, pacified, or angered, and conditioned into submission.  The part I was most stunned by was the simple yet profound way Hill  tells us exactly why we deprive ourselves from our own initiative and courage to accomplish what we desire.

The concept of 'drifting' hit so close to home with me that I have had to re-listen to the interview over and over again to catch the details that clearly describe the things we do that set us on a path of apathy and hopelessness.
I have read many books that tell us what we need to do to be successful, but few that tell us what the signs are that you are beginning to drift and how you can prevent those from happening.

Think and Grow Rich was one of the first books written by Napoleon Hill and sold 80 million copies and positively impacted the lives of so many of that generation. However, many younger people today don't even know who Hill is, let alone have an understanding of the powerful principles he gifted to the world. The release of Outwitting the Devil (in 2012) is timely because we who are surrounded by the smothering troubled state of today's world need and this is like throwing a kind of a life-line to pull ourselves up.

The points that influenced me the most:
“Drifting”- The danger of drifting aimlessly in life. If I'm watching 6 hours of TV a day or spending my time on facebook  or playing video games,  any other timewaster which is not helping me achieve my goals, I'm drifting. The antidote is focus and maintaining a Definite Chief Aim which keeps me on track and out of the drifting paths.

“Fear”- Fear as one of the great tools of the adversary. Fear is confidence in reverse. Focus on your chief aims to the exclusion of all doubt and fear is replaced by empowering confidence.

“Hypnotic Rhythm”- If you drift long enough, you will be unable to break the habit of drifting. Eat too much and too often, and your stomach expands and you need more and more to fill you up. Watch “porn” and you need to watch more and you need to watch worse and worse in order to become aroused. Drink a few beers or do a few drugs and soon you tolerate a few and need to consume more and more. You get stuck in a continuous cycle. The cycle causes you to feel bad, your confidence plunges, your courage plunges, and you lose sight of any goals. You become a prime targets for exploiters: people who will sell you more of what is crippling you (making them realize THEIR goals) and people who will vow to “save you” (again, other people will be profiting off your continuous cycle of  drifting).
The upside of this is that when you consistently focus on your definite chief aim, on a positive purpose; the power of Hypnotic Rhythm hastens your progress and help you maintains success.

The list of recommendations to transform education in the world from failed institutions of mediocrity to producers of self-directed, self-thinking, and empowered (not entitled) individuals is simple common sense.
Napoleon Hill’s Seven Principles for Outwitting the Devil in Your Life:

1. Definiteness of Purpose

2. Mastery over Self

3. Learning from Adversity

4. Controlling environmental influence (associations)

5. Time (giving permanency to positive, rather than negative thought-habits and developing wisdom)

6. Harmony (acting with definiteness of purpose to become the dominating influence in your own mental, spiritual, and physical environment)

7. Caution (thinking through your plans before you act)

Hill asks the Devil:
“WHAT PREPARATION MUST ONE UNDERGO before being
able to move with definiteness of purpose at all times?”

The Devil replies: “One must gain mastery over self. This is the second of the
seven principles. The person who is not master of himself can
never be master of others. Lack of self-mastery is, of itself, the
most destructive form of indefiniteness.”
I’ve found this to be so true. It’s why it’s so important to remember that self control, self determination, leads to confidence, courage, and character.

Truly a remarkable book that will have you feeling a bit guilty for watching Netflix, and more determined to make a positive difference and aim toward a goal/purpose in your life.