Sometimes we dream about moving to a place where there isn't a murder every night and you don't have to worry about Lethal Flash Mobs attacking you in the middle of the day.
Montana has come up a few times - and I've been reading their local weekly newspaper to get an idea of what life in the West is like - and uh - these are directly from the police blotter of Flathead Valley as reported in the Flathead Beacon - these are SERIOUSLY FUNNY (at least to someone like me where murder, rape, and robbery is almost a daily occurrence in Philly). I wouldn't mind living in a place where crimes like these occur:
From the Flathhead Beacon Police Blotter
11/30/2011
4:37 p.m. Three destructive canyon kids kicked in a wall at the maze. They were caught and left to the mercy of their parents.
11:28 a.m. Someone saw a man walking through the trees near Bruyer Way Loop dragging a leash with nothing on the end of it.
3:58 p.m. A 15-year-old girl was offended by some lewd comments posted on her Facebook page.
9:21 p.m. An intoxicated Somers man reported that his angry wife literally had him “by the balls” for the second time that evening. He did not need medical assistance and the two were separated for the night.
11/29/2011
2:09 p.m. A loose calf tried to make friends with a woman walking down Trumble Creek Road. It was taken home.
8:00 p.m. A woman on Ridgewood Drive reported that her granddaughter’s mother wouldn’t return her cable box.
11/28/2011
2:15 p.m. Two men argued loudly about scriptures in an alley near Second Avenue West.
4:19 p.m. A woman on Liberty Street reported that a man threw a pile of dog “doo doo” on her car and told her that she was the rightful owner of the doo.
4:20 p.m. An awkward situation involving a man straddling a woman laying on a sidewalk was witnessed in Evergreen.
7:00 p.m. Reportedly, people have been living in their truck at the Burger King parking lot for the last year. The caller considered allowing them to move into his guest house.
8:35 p.m. Someone from the Whitefish train depot called in to discuss a strange man with a comb-over who was chanting about train safety.
11/27/2011
1:29 p.m. A Rottweiler that appeared “bold” and a small white dog were seen running down Foys Lake Road.
5:21 p.m. Someone called in to discuss the person they saw at a hotel on Highway 93 South who may or may not be an officer.
11/24/2011
11:37 a.m. A dad on Wyoming Street said a pit bull was circling his children. He yelled at the dog and it ran off.
3:14 p.m. A janitor, who thought he was alone in a Kalispell store, heard strange noises over the intercom.
6:40 p.m. A big dirty truck was seen swerving down Highway 2 West.
10:37 p.m. A Kalispell woman reported that her roommate’s mom stopped by and, for unknown reasons, attacked her. She left shortly after and could most likely be found at Walmart. (OMG - this is one of the best!!!)
11/22/2011
11:59 a.m. A woman from Hungry Horse claimed that her estranged husband went and married another woman.
8:28 p.m. A gas station employee complained that a drunk was tooling around in the bathroom.
11/21/2011
9:37 p.m. A small intoxicated man wearing “Nintendo pants” was seen crying in a bar on Highway 35 in Kalispell.
11/20/2011
10:32 a.m. A Kalispell resident reported that two happy chocolate labs were in his yard and wouldn’t leave.
11:29 p.m. A woman on Halfmoon Flats near Columbia Falls reported that she had been sitting in her vehicle, afraid to get out, for the last 20 minutes because an unfamiliar dog was lurking around nearby. She decided to make a run for it.
12:25 a.m. A bartender in Martin City asked for assistance with a big, bald man who drunkenly claimed to own the bar and refused to leave. He was napping on the floor when officers arrived.
5:16 a.m. Two kids were standing on Highway 35 in Kalispell videotaping each other. The caller suspected they were on drugs.
