Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Monday, December 26, 2011
Funny Flathead Beacon Police Reports! #4 - Holiday Edition.
A Polebridge man reported that a contractor he had hired thumped a tool in his hand then got this look in his eye, like he’d seen “on television dramas before someone is about to hurt the other person.” The man suggested that deputies run a “mental packet” on the contractor, “rattle his cage” and put a spotlight on him.
12/12/2011
5:38 p.m. A man on Anderson Lane reported that he found three stray horses and two miniature donkeys. He successfully herded them into his pasture.
8:45 p.m. Deputies responded to an incident in a pink trailer involving an excitable mother and daughter. The two were separated after mutually accusing one another of abuse. There was no evidence that anyone was actually abused.
10:01 p.m. The mom from the pink trailer called from her bathroom to report that her daughter was cursing at her and following her around the trailer.
12/13/2011
12:45 p.m. A tenant at a trailer park on Whitefish Stage reportedly saw another tenant steal wood from his neighbor. The accused tenant did not confess, but did offer to give his wood to the neighbor if it would make things right.
3:14 p.m. A woman on First Street West reported that a young, machete-carrying man in a pinstriped jacked beat up her boyfriend.
4:33 p.m. A disgruntled man on North Springwood Road said a young boy ran in front of his vehicle then flipped him off. The man tried to track down the kid but was unsuccessful.
5:33 p.m. A wolf, or possibly a dog, was seen hanging out at a business in Whitefish.
12/14/2011
3:37 p.m. An employee at the Dollar Tree reported that someone repeatedly grabbed a drill off the shelf and attempted to return it for cash at the front counter. (wow, I didn't realize they sold drills at the dollar store...LOL)
12/15/2011
11:28 a.m. A disappointed mom on Jellison Road in Columba Falls reported that her son brought home a couple of 13-year-old girls.
2:03 p.m. Three dogs habitually gather at a Marion woman’s house and tear up her yard.
4:02 p.m. An obnoxious drunk in a gray hat was refused second helpings at the food bank.
7:52 p.m. Someone reported that their identity was stolen seven years ago.
8:51 p.m. A young, bearded man with strings hanging off his hat was panhandling and trying to sell movies in front of a store on Third Avenue East North.
12/18/2011
2:40 p.m. An unwanted man showed up with a case of beer at a Ranch Lane resident’s house.
9:03 p.m. An intoxicated man from Bigfork reported a possible child abduction he had witnessed earlier that day at the dump. He claimed he saw three children that didn’t look anything like the woman they were with. He also said that he attempted to give the children some Lincoln Logs that he had found while dumpster diving, which angered the woman. He had no other pertinent information.
12/19/2011
1:26 p.m. Someone in Columbia Falls successfully broke up a dog fight with a stick.
8:11 p.m. Someone in Whitefish called 911 to report seeing a woman who smelled of alcohol buy more alcohol. The caller didn’t know if the woman had been driving, but assumed so anyway.
9:16 p.m. A man reported that he was hit by a bus last June
9:16 p.m. A man reported that he was hit by a bus last June
12/20/2011
9:18 a.m. A Polebridge man reported that a contractor he had hired thumped a tool in his hand then got this look in his eye, like he’d seen “on television dramas before someone is about to hurt the other person.” The man suggested that deputies run a “mental packet” on the contractor, “rattle his cage” and put a spotlight on him.
9:24 a.m. A Hungry Horse resident complained that the neighbors built an offensive, anatomically accurate snowman in their front yard. The snowman has since been modified.
2:22 p.m. The freshman at the Bigfork High School lost his marijuana to the principle after making a failed attempt to take it to school.
9:23 p.m. An angry, intoxicated man calling from Fourth Avenue East reported that the neighbor woman was beating her screaming children so loudly that is was “screwing up” his movie. No beatings actually took place, the kids were just loud.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Shit Girls Say...Listen! Listen! Listen! This is seriously funny (if you're a girl).
You can also follow them on Twitter @shitgirlssay
Thursday, December 15, 2011
More Funny Flathead Beacon Police Reports! #4
12/7/2011
10:44 p.m. A lumberjack looking man and another man were cut off and kicked out of a bar on Highway 35 in Kalispell. They stood outside the bar and argued until a deputy sent them home.
11:39 p.m. An employee at a Main Street hotel reported that drunken man wearing a “gopher hat” was getting into the complimentary hot chocolate and refusing to leave.
12/8/2011
9:30 a.m. A man on Concord Drive claimed that his wife might call in and say he slammed her hand in the door and that if she does, it’s not true.
2:14 p.m. Two men were harassing each other via Facebook.
12/11/2011
7:28 a.m. A 5-year-old boy wanted to explain that his cat “just ate poop.”
8:58 a.m. A woman on Fifth Avenue East found a note on her door that said “your house has been watched tonight by the creeps.”
12:11 p.m. Reportedly, a woman on Highway 35 in Kalispell called someone a “sourpuss.”
Monday, December 12, 2011
Funny Flathead Beacon Police Reports! #3
On 12/4/2011
12:32 p.m. A man on Wettington Drive thinks that his ex has been creeping around and that his neighbor might allow her to hide at their house.
On 12/6/2011
2:32 p.m. A Columbia Falls man claimed that his ex-girlfriend stole his spare key. She had no problem giving it back.
6:58 p.m. A Hungry Horse woman reported that her unregistered “dropped down low” baby blue pickup truck had been stolen and that it probably didn’t have enough gas in it to make it around the block. Someone else reported that the same woman also lost her 3-year-old child and that she was shooting her “snub-nosed” pistol at someone’s house. The child was found and fine, but the baby blue truck is still missing.
3:01 a.m. A Kalispell woman claimed that her druggy, abusive son came over and stole her dog.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
More Funny Flathead Beacon Police Reports!
12/1/2011
10:33 a.m. A basset hound was spotted moseying down Ezy Road.
3:48 p.m. The owner of a Kalispell store claimed that a man with droopy drawers threatened to hit her if she didn’t “shut up.”
7:53 p.m. The owner of a trailer park on Jellison Road in Columbia Falls reported that an intoxicated man was urinating in the road and driving drunkenly through her park. She wanted to enact a citizen’s arrest.
7:59 p.m. Reportedly, a weird woman knocked on a Short Court woman’s door and asked if she needed her carpet vacuumed.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Funniest Police Blotter Stories EVER! From Flathhead Valley Montana.
Montana has come up a few times - and I've been reading their local weekly newspaper to get an idea of what life in the West is like - and uh - these are directly from the police blotter of Flathead Valley as reported in the Flathead Beacon - these are SERIOUSLY FUNNY (at least to someone like me where murder, rape, and robbery is almost a daily occurrence in Philly). I wouldn't mind living in a place where crimes like these occur:
From the Flathhead Beacon Police Blotter
11/30/2011
4:37 p.m. Three destructive canyon kids kicked in a wall at the maze. They were caught and left to the mercy of their parents.
11:28 a.m. Someone saw a man walking through the trees near Bruyer Way Loop dragging a leash with nothing on the end of it.
3:58 p.m. A 15-year-old girl was offended by some lewd comments posted on her Facebook page.
9:21 p.m. An intoxicated Somers man reported that his angry wife literally had him “by the balls” for the second time that evening. He did not need medical assistance and the two were separated for the night.
11/29/2011
2:09 p.m. A loose calf tried to make friends with a woman walking down Trumble Creek Road. It was taken home.
8:00 p.m. A woman on Ridgewood Drive reported that her granddaughter’s mother wouldn’t return her cable box.
11/28/2011
2:15 p.m. Two men argued loudly about scriptures in an alley near Second Avenue West.
4:19 p.m. A woman on Liberty Street reported that a man threw a pile of dog “doo doo” on her car and told her that she was the rightful owner of the doo.
4:20 p.m. An awkward situation involving a man straddling a woman laying on a sidewalk was witnessed in Evergreen.
7:00 p.m. Reportedly, people have been living in their truck at the Burger King parking lot for the last year. The caller considered allowing them to move into his guest house.
8:35 p.m. Someone from the Whitefish train depot called in to discuss a strange man with a comb-over who was chanting about train safety.
11/27/2011
1:29 p.m. A Rottweiler that appeared “bold” and a small white dog were seen running down Foys Lake Road.
5:21 p.m. Someone called in to discuss the person they saw at a hotel on Highway 93 South who may or may not be an officer.
11/24/2011
11:37 a.m. A dad on Wyoming Street said a pit bull was circling his children. He yelled at the dog and it ran off.
3:14 p.m. A janitor, who thought he was alone in a Kalispell store, heard strange noises over the intercom.
6:40 p.m. A big dirty truck was seen swerving down Highway 2 West.
10:37 p.m. A Kalispell woman reported that her roommate’s mom stopped by and, for unknown reasons, attacked her. She left shortly after and could most likely be found at Walmart. (OMG - this is one of the best!!!)
11/22/2011
11:59 a.m. A woman from Hungry Horse claimed that her estranged husband went and married another woman.
8:28 p.m. A gas station employee complained that a drunk was tooling around in the bathroom.
11/21/2011
9:37 p.m. A small intoxicated man wearing “Nintendo pants” was seen crying in a bar on Highway 35 in Kalispell.
11/20/2011
10:32 a.m. A Kalispell resident reported that two happy chocolate labs were in his yard and wouldn’t leave.
11:29 p.m. A woman on Halfmoon Flats near Columbia Falls reported that she had been sitting in her vehicle, afraid to get out, for the last 20 minutes because an unfamiliar dog was lurking around nearby. She decided to make a run for it.
12:25 a.m. A bartender in Martin City asked for assistance with a big, bald man who drunkenly claimed to own the bar and refused to leave. He was napping on the floor when officers arrived.
5:16 a.m. Two kids were standing on Highway 35 in Kalispell videotaping each other. The caller suspected they were on drugs.
5:16 a.m. Two kids were standing on Highway 35 in Kalispell videotaping each other. The caller suspected they were on drugs.
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